I’ve always been a complete jerk about audio speakers. Hand me control of one and watch me turn from a normal person into a musical show-off within seconds.
“Listen to this obscure 80s metal band!” I’d yell while my poor date winced. “They combined speed metal with classical influences!” My date nodded politely while plotting her escape.
This selfishness went far beyond music:
During our third date at her apartment, she picked up her phone to connect to her speaker. I braced myself for whatever she might play.
But then Metallica blasted through the speakers.
“You like this too?” I asked, surprised.
“No,” she smiled. “You do.”
My brain stopped. She had taken her small bit of control and used it to make ME happy. This concept was completely foreign to me.
I saw with painful clarity all the times I’d done exactly the opposite and chosen my comfort over hers, my taste above hers, my wants before her needs.
Right then, I decided to try something new. I asked questions about her music tastes and learned she loved 70s funk but rarely played it because an old boyfriend had mocked her for it.
Next time she came to my place, I had Earth, Wind & Fire ready to go.
Her whole face changed. “You remembered!”
That moment taught me more about relationships than any advice column or self-help book. Small choices reveal character. When given tiny bits of power, most people grab pleasure for themselves when they should’ve given it away.
The woman who played Metallica for me on our third date? We got married last year.
We take turns with the music now, but I’ve found something strange. Playing songs that make her happy brings me more joy than hearing my own favorites.
I find myself thinking that perhaps this is what people mean when they talk about growing up.
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