Scientists who study couples in conflict labs have noticed something strange: partners rarely fight about what they think they’re fighting about. That argument that starts with “You never take out the trash” or “Why didn’t you call me back?” almost never ends there. Within minutes, couples spiral into accusations about respect, care, and whether they… Read More »The 90-10 Rule of Conflict
What’s the secret to a happy, lasting relationship? Some say it’s compatibility and having common values, goals and interests to bond over. Others claim the key is physical chemistry and passion. Still others emphasize acts of service, gift-giving, or quality time. While all those factors matter, there’s a foundational element that often gets overlooked: Good… Read More »The 20-minute connection ritual every couple needs
Early in my marriage, conversations with my spouse often left me feeling resentful and unappreciated. I couldn’t understand why my partner wasn’t meeting my needs despite my constant reminders of what I wanted. Sound familiar? It took me years to realize I was going about it all wrong. I wasn’t expressing my needs effectively. Demanding… Read More »Make requests, not demands
Two years into my marriage, the honeymoon phase ended with a silent, sudden crash. Suddenly, everything that was once endearing about my husband now got on my last nerve. Leaving dirty socks on the floor, forgetting to take out the trash, chewing too loudly – each tiny irritation compounded until I found myself wondering, “What… Read More »Choose to love your partner (in hard times)
We’ve all been there. Your partner loads the dishwasher in a way that makes your eye twitch. Your coworker submits a report riddled with errors. Your friend shows up late to your lunch date again. Minor annoyances, but they grate on you. You know you need to say something, but you dread it. So you… Read More »The compliment sandwhich for better feedback in relationships
Want a stronger, closer relationship with your partner? The secret lies in how you respond to their bids for emotional connection. What is a bid? Bids are the small ways we reach out to our partner throughout the day, seeking attention, affection, or acknowledgement. It’s any small expression that says, “I want to connect with… Read More »Responding to your partner’s bids
Sharing a bed, fighting over covers, waking up to snoring – it’s long been seen as an unavoidable part of committed relationships. But more couples are realizing that a good night’s sleep and a good partnership don’t have to be at odds. Sleeping separately doesn’t signal the end of intimacy, it marks the beginning of… Read More »Sleep divorce: How sleeping separately could save your marriage
We all want relationships that can go the distance. But when bills, kids, and busy schedules conspire against us, how do we stop our connection from crumbling under the pressure? Enter the 2-2-2 rule – a beautifully simple way for couples to put each other first. No, it’s not about rigid date night quotas or… Read More »The 2-2-2 rule: Your secret to a thriving long-term relationship
Creating love that lasts While communication, shared values and commitment play important roles in creating enduring love in a romantic relationship, research reveals a surprising key to long-lasting romance. In a meta-survey (2005) analyzing 470 studies on compatibility, Marcel Zentner, PhD, from the University of Geneva, found that there are no common character qualities that… Read More »Practice Positive Partner Perception
Divide the responsibilities and mental load for a happier marriage Are you tired of feeling like the sole manager of your household, carrying the weight of endless to-do lists and mental checklists? You’re not alone. Many couples struggle with an imbalance in the “mental load” – the invisible work of planning, organizing, and executing family… Read More »The family project manager spreadsheet
