They say the devil’s in the details, but I think maybe God is too. Because it’s in the details, the small, ordinary details of our day-to-day lives, where gratitude often hides. The perfect foam on your morning cappuccino. The way your dog always greets you like you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The moment of quiet connection with your child over homework. These are the things that gratitude is made of – not grand gestures or big-ticket items, but the accumulation of tiny, easy-to-miss blessings.
The problem is, we do miss them. We’re so focused on what’s going wrong that we barely register what’s going right. Gratitude is the antidote to that myopia. It’s a refresher for our weary, jaded eyes, allowing us to see the world anew, to marvel at the small wonders we’ve grown accustomed to. Gratitude isn’t Pollyanna-ish, isn’t about pasting on a fake smile. It’s a conscious choice, a deliberate shift in attention. And it matters, not just because it feels good, but because it reminds us that even in a world that can be harsh and cold, there is still so much to cherish. Details matter, and so does our willingness to see them in a grateful light.
Gratitude is the mental tool we use to remind ourselves of the good things in our lives. It helps us see the things that don’t make it onto our lists of problems to be solved and shine a spotlight on the people who give us the good things in life. Gratitude doesn’t make problems and threats disappear, but it can help us deal with them. By practising gratitude, it can become a habit and lead to many benefits.
Gratitude practises
1. Once in a while, think about death and loss
Contemplating death and loss can make you more grateful for your current life. Studies have shown that when people visualize their deaths or the sudden disappearance of their romantic partners from their lives, their gratitude measurably increases. Similarly, imagining that some positive event never happened can also increase gratitude. When you find yourself taking a good thing for granted, try giving it up for a little while. This can help increase gratitude and happiness.
2. Take the time to smell the roses
Grateful people tend to savour positive experiences and express gratitude for them. This makes the experiences stickier in the brain and increases their benefits to your psyche. Adding little rituals to how you experience pleasures can also help increase gratitude. We adapt even to good things in life. When this happens, their subjective value starts to drop, and we take them for granted. Taking a step back and imagining life without them can help increase your gratitude. Absence make the heart grow grateful.
3. Take the good things as gifts, not as your birthright
Gratitude is the opposite of entitlement. Entitlement is the attitude that people owe you something because you’re special. We need other people to grow our food and heal our injuries. We need love, and for that, we need family, partners, friends, and pets. Seeing with grateful eyes requires we see the web of interconnection in which we alternate between givers and receivers. The humble person says that life is a gift to be grateful for, not a right to be claimed.
4. Be grateful for people, not just things
People do have feelings, and studies have found that expressing gratitude to people can make them happier and strengthen emotional bonds. Saying thank you to someone can engage biological systems for trust and affection alongside circuits for pleasure and reward, providing a synergistic and enduring boost to the positive experience.
5. Mention the pancakes
Grateful people are specific in their expressions of gratitude. They don’t just say, “I love you because you’re wonderful,” but instead, they recognize specific things to be grateful for. They might say “I love you for the pancakes you make when you see I’m hungry.” They recognize specific things to be grateful for: “I love how you give me hugs when I’m sad so that I’ll feel better!” They ask clarifying questions; they respond to trouble with hugs and to good news with smiles. Better listeners during conversations have friends and partners feel more appreciated. Remember: gratitude thrives on specificity!
6. Thank outside the box
Truly grateful people can find a reason to feel grateful even to people who have harmed them. They can thank that person for being brave enough to end a relationship that wasn’t working, reminding them of their advantages and vulnerability, or forcing them to face new challenges. They can even give thanks in the face of death. Gratitude is a way to nurture the memory of someone we’ve lost.
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