Bob Smith died yesterday at the age of 74. He finished life in 186th place.
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the dangers of comparison and how it can steal our joy and happiness. Growing up, it’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring our worth by how we stack up against others. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that true happiness comes from within, not from external validation or trying to keep up with others.
I’m reminded of the story of the great physicist Richard Feynman and his father. When Richard Feynmann was young, his dad laid the newspaper on the table and asked him about the photos they saw. Once, they came upon a picture of the Pope blessing a group of believers. Richard’s father asked him if he knew the difference between the Pope and his followers. Before Richard could answer, his dad said:
“The difference is the hat. He is wearing a hat.”
This simple lesson stuck with Feynman throughout his life. His father wanted him to understand that people are people, no matter what clothes they wear or what titles they hold. Nobody is better than anyone else, and we’re all equal. It’s a powerful message that we could all benefit from remembering.
Comparison doesn’t just happen in childhood though. In today’s social media-driven world, falling into the comparison trap is easier than ever. The other day, I saw a young mother and her daughter at the pool. She was so focused on getting the perfect Instagram-worthy shot of her and her daughter in their matching swimsuits that she barely interacted with her child. Meanwhile, her little girl was visibly annoyed and begging her to play with her in the water.
It saddens me to think about all the moms who might see her carefully curated photo on social media and feel like they’re not measuring up. They might be at home with messy houses, tired from cooking, cleaning, and playing with their kids. But what they don’t realize is that they’re doing it right. They’re present with their children, making real memories.
Sometimes, we get so caught up in comparing ourselves to others that we lose sight of what really matters. We let our insecurities and fears dictate our actions instead of staying true to ourselves and our values.
So, how do you stop comparing yourself to others? Here are a few exercises that have helped me:
When we’re going through a tough time or facing a difficult challenge, sometimes putting our struggles in perspective can help us feel more grounded and appreciative of what we have. It doesn’t negate the frustration or inconvenience you’re feeling, but it can help you keep things in perspective and find some gratitude in the midst of the difficulty.
This reminds me of a joke I heard about a wife who had to tell his husband that she accidentally smacked up the car. She was so nervous about breaking the news that she tried to soften the blow by first saying something worse.
“I have some bad news,” she said. “I just found out that our daughter is pregnant. Oh, and by the way, I also accidentally smacked up the car.”
Her husband was so shocked and upset to hear about their daughter that he barely even processed the news about the car. “Our daughter is pregnant?!” he exclaimed. “How could this happen? She’s only 16 years old!”
Remembering that worse things can happen and that there are people facing much more serious challenges—like illness, poverty, or loss—can help you find some perspective and resilience. This doesn’t mean that your struggles aren’t valid or important, but it can remind you that you have the strength and resources to overcome them.
A little perspective can be a powerful tool for gaining gratitude, strength and resilience in the face of life’s challenges.
At the end of the day, remember that you are enough, just as you are. You don’t need to be anything other than your authentic self. Instead of getting caught up in the comparison trap, focus on living in alignment with your own truth and values. That’s the real key to happiness and success.
Thought-provoking questions
Life is not a competition. We’re all on our own unique paths, and the only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
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