Want a stronger, closer relationship with your partner? The secret lies in how you respond to their bids for emotional connection.
What is a bid?
Bids are the small ways we reach out to our partner throughout the day, seeking attention, affection, or acknowledgement. It’s any small expression that says, “I want to connect with you,” from the significant to the silly.
Sharing a frustrating experience and wanting empathy. Pointing out a funny billboard and seeking shared laughter. Reaching for a hand and hoping for a reassuring squeeze. You have dozens of chances every day to honour these bids – or to disregard them. And those choices are the unseen current directing your relationship’s course.
In one remarkable study, Gottman was able to predict with 94% accuracy which newlyweds would divorce within 6 years – based not on their communication skills, or their ability to navigate conflict, but on how they responded to each other’s bids.So think about the last interaction you had with your partner. Did you turn towards their bids, or away from them? Did you meet their eyes and engage, or mumble distractedly and keep scrolling?
5 ways to improve your relationship by responding to your partner’s bids for connection
Here are 5 ways to strengthen your relationship by turning towards your partner’s bids:
A study found that couples who stayed married turned towards each other’s bids 86% of the time, while those who divorced only did so 33% of the time. So next time your partner excitedly tells you about a new video game, even if gaming isn’t your thing, put down your phone and engage with them about what they love. Your enthusiastic attention is a priceless relationship investment.
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