Across the room stood Martin, a guy from accounting whom everyone crowded around. Martin, who wore mismatched socks and laughed too loudly at his own jokes. Martin, who somehow knew everyone’s name and had them all smiling.
What did he have that I didn’t?
I started studying him and others like him. People who seemed to flow through conversations while I tripped and stumbled. The pattern was so obvious once I spotted it.
True conversation masters all follow a 30-second rule that changes everything.
This simple habit will make people want to talk to you
Have you ever watched someone light up a room with their words? Or noticed how certain people make you feel important the moment they start talking to you?
What if you could learn to do the same thing?
The truth is, winning conversations aren’t about being the smartest or funniest person. It’s about making the other person feel good. And a simple technique can help you do just that, even if you consider yourself awkward or shy.
What is the 30-second rule?
New York Times bestselling author John C. Maxwell follows one simple guideline when starting conversations:
“Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.”
This rule works because it shifts the focus away from you and your nerves and puts it where it belongs – the other person.
When you start with encouragement, you:
How to use the 30-second rule
The beauty of this approach is that it works in any situation. Here are some ways to put it into practice:
The key is being specific. Generic compliments like “you look nice” don’t have the same impact as noticing something particular about a person.
Por qué funciona tan bien
When you encourage someone, you trigger positive psychological reactions. Science backs this up. Psychologist Henry Goddard found that tired children experienced energy boosts after hearing encouraging words.
Maxwell explains it simply:
“Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw.”
Think about your own experiences. Who do you want to talk to more? People who drain your energy or those who build you up?
The secret ingredient: genuine interest
This rule fails if you’re just going through the motions. People can sense fake compliments from a mile away.
The real magic happens when your words come from authentic interest. This means:
William King put it perfectly:
“A gossip talks to you about other people. A bore talks to you about himself. A brilliant conversationalist talks to you about yourself.”
Start with 30 seconds, win the hour
This rule’s power lies in its simplicity. You don’t need to memorise complex conversation tactics or pretend to be someone you’re not.
All you need to do is start each conversation by saying something encouraging. This small change creates a ripple effect that can transform your social interactions.
People who master this simple habit find that:
Conclusión
Next time you start a conversation:
This tiny adjustment to how you begin conversations will change how people respond to you. They’ll want to keep talking, share more, and seek you out again.
The best part? You’ll find yourself enjoying conversations more too. When you focus on building others up, social interactions become less about performance and more about connection.
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