We’ve all been there – a friend calls in tears, a family member shares devastating news, a coworker breaks down in the office. In those heart-wrenching moments, it’s painfully clear: you can’t fix their anguish with a snap of your fingers. The hurt is real and raw. Advice and solutions, however well-intentioned, often ring hollow.
What can you say when words feel futile? How can you comfort someone drowning in pain?
The truth is that the most meaningful support requires no solutions or profound insight.
You don’t need sage advice to make a difference
According to author Kelly Corrigan, a few simple words can go a long way in helping someone feel supported during a crisis:
With these seven simple phrases, you can create a safe haven where a struggling loved one can fall apart and find comfort. You may not have a solution, but you offer something far more important – a listening ear, an understanding heart, and the promise you’ll walk with them through the valley.
No magic wand can take away a loved one’s anguish, as much as we wish there were. But the seven phrases above can provide something almost as powerful: deep, sincere human connection. The kind that helps pain feel less isolating. The kind that gives our darkest experiences meaning and reminds us we matter.
Many of us hesitate to have these conversations because we feel helpless. We’re afraid we’ll say the wrong thing and make it worse. But the truth is, there are no perfect words for life’s most brutal blows. The gift we can give is not our eloquence but our wholehearted presence. We can show up, imperfectly and vulnerably, and bear witness. We can make it clear that their pain is seen and matters to us.
This takes tremendous courage. It’s so much harder than proffering an inspirational cliche or hasty solution. But it’s also the soil where compassion, intimacy and trust take root. Connecting in this way teaches us that no matter how alone we feel, hands still reach for ours in the dark. And that makes the unbearable more bearable.
Is there someone in your life who needs this kind of steadfast care right now? Pick up the phone, knock on their door, and let them know you’re ready to listen, understand, and share their pain. It may mean more than you’ll ever know.
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